Smart quote

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."
--Lucille Ball,actress and comedian

Three Things

Three things in life that, once gone, never come back: Time, words and opportunity
Three things in life that can destroy a person: Anger, pride and unforgiveness
Three things in life that you should never lose: Hope, peace and honesty
Three things in life that are most valuable:Love, family & friends and kindness
Three things in life that are never certain: Fortune, success and dreams
Three things that make a person: Commitment, sincerity and hard work
Three things that are truly constant: Father - Son - Holy Spirit.

Age

FAMILY:
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!
"Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
LITTLE LADY
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
OLD FRIENDS:
Now this one is just too Precious...LOL! Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?" SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said , "Oh, crap, am I driving ?"

超爆笑對聯

上聯：代縣長，代市長，代議長，三代同堂。新房子，新車子，新馬子，全新登場。 橫批：都是A來的。 上聯：人生自古誰無屎。下聯：誰能大便不用紙。 橫批：衛生第一
上聯：上班喝茶聊天看報。下聯：下班喝酒打牌睡覺。 橫批：神仙公務員。
上聯：開飛機管他東南西北愛飛就飛。下聯：搞捷運不論前後左右想挖就挖。橫批：台灣奇蹟。
上聯：食有農藥蔬菜病死雞。 下聯：住有輻射鋼筋海砂屋。橫批：寶島台灣。
上聯：人腦搞不定電腦。下聯：電腦比不上豬腦。橫批：Y2K。
上聯：天增歲月人增肥。下聯：春滿乾坤豬滿門。橫批：該減肥了。
上聯：污錢，爭權，謀利，貪污是也。 下聯：毀謗，打架，贛焦，作秀然也。橫批：民意依歸。

賺到快樂六十秒

(吳玲瑤) 人總以為自己再有錢一點會更快樂些，其實尋找快樂就像老太婆找眼鏡，找了半天原來在自己身上，反求諸己才能尋著。不是多擁有一些，而是少一點慾望'才能真正體會到一個快樂的人永遠不窮，不快樂的人是怎樣也沒有富裕的感覺。樂觀簡單就是快樂，豁達開朗幽默快樂之於生活就像汽車的避震器，使你走在人生路上能夠平順而少些顛簸。
也許中華民族的歷史曾經歷太多苦難，中國人總是心有餘悸, 戰戰兢兢，不敢太快樂，怕隨之而來的便是樂極生悲，好像一開心麻煩就會自動找上門來，常說『人生不滿百，常懷千歲
憂』，即使教人奮鬥的格言也少不了『臥薪嚐膽』、『懸梁刺股』、『吃得苦中苦，方為人上人』、『哀兵必勝』等警語，但從心理學觀點來看，許多人在『哀兵必勝』勝了之後，卻多多少少有了心理和精神上的後遺症。
悲觀的人感嘆不如意之事十常八九：『人活著真累，站著想著睡，上車要排隊，單戀真受罪，吃飯沒香味，喝酒容易醉，上班特疲憊，搶劫還不會，掙錢要交稅。』真是剪不斷理還亂！愈想愈快樂不起來。我母親也曾經是一個愛煩惱的人，最近領悟到『煩惱是自己處罰自己的最好方法』之後，完全改變了，不再和自己過下去，說自己是五樂老人：知足常樂、自得其樂、助人為樂、苦中作樂和與人為樂。其實人生中難免有trouble，一直去煩惱就是Make it double，於事無補，老是想著負面結果來嚇自己，對心理對健康都有害。要掙脫這樣的困境，轉換心情為內心換一幅風景是唯一的方法。想想王爾德說的:『快樂是唯一值得活的事。』(pleaure is the only thing to live for)。人生的 路要笑著走，快樂就像灑香水一樣，為人噴香，自己也再沾一次香。
開不開心常常在一念間。平民百姓在這方面的體會似乎此聖賢來得有意思，所謂『快樂不怕命來磨』、『笑口常開，青春常在』、『笑一笑十年少，愁一愁白了頭』，還說『日出東山落西山，愁也一天，喜也一天，遇事不鑽牛角尖，人也舒坦，心也舒坦。』相信『快樂才是自己的，麻煩是暫時的，世界沒有什麼解決不了的事。』開心一分鐘就賺到快樂六十秒。 (寄自加州)

紅到窗前

當楓葉紅到窗前的時候，我意識到一年將盡了。我在二○○六年初，偕內子來美探親，寄寓在灣區庫柏蒂諾市。不料因庶務羈絆，一晃一年倏忽過去，我仍滯留未歸。從住處二樓窗口望出去，可以瞥見屋苑的草坪上，用光管繞製的耶誕裝飾雪人和鹿車已熄了燈，只剩下空蕩蕩的框架還支棱在那兒。歲暮凋景，客寓清寂，一番感喟襲上心頭：一年將盡夜，萬里未歸人。這次歸期延宕，竟意外地令我在異國跨越人生的一個重要階段，即從知天命的壯年踏入花甲翁的門檻，對我個人來說，甚具紀念意義。然而此時此地，沒有美酒佳餚，沒有賀客祝禮，連一張賀卡也沒有。我獨自徘徊窗前，唯見窗外楓葉蕭蕭，紛飛如蝶。不禁徒生流光如矢、人生如寄的嗟嘆。驀然想起南宋詞人蔣捷的一首〈虞美人〉：「少年聽雨歌樓上，紅燭昏羅帳。壯年聽雨客舟中，江闊雲低，斷雁叫西風。而今聽雨僧廬下，鬢已星星也。悲歡離合總無情，一任階前點滴到天明。」少年的放蕩，壯年的顛簸，晚景的孤寂，這大抵是世俗人生的寫照，我自不能脫俗，只是鬢已星星的我，雖不是在僧廬下聽雨，卻是在寓所中看楓，一樣淒清，一樣落寞。平日裡，我常坐在臨窗的書桌旁，或漫步書林，或遨遊網海。窗外的紅楓，與我朝夕相伴。相對日久，我對楓葉有了一番新的感悟。往昔我把楓葉視為悲劇角色，總把它與秋的悲涼、西風的肅殺連在一塊。你看，入秋後，犀利的秋涼小刀，就不斷剡割楓葉，直割得它遍體鱗傷，那一樹紅彤彤的顏色，不正是它血染的風采嗎？但是，一日清晨，我推窗外望，看到的情景，豁然令我改變了過往的觀念。我看見鳥聲吵落楓葉，在水波般漾動的晨曦中蹁躚。楓葉在辭別枝椏時，沒有一絲悲淒，沒有半點猶豫。它們選在生命最璀璨之際，欣然謝幕，穿上絢麗的彩衣霓裳，跳起最後的圓舞，舞姿是那麼從容，那麼輕盈曼妙。絳紅的、褐黃的、赤紫的落葉，星星點點，綴滿綠茵茵的草坪，編織出一幅斑斕眩目的地氈，裝點秋的丰姿。我凝視著落葉，幡然憬悟：世間無久留之物，年華無長駐之理，不必傷春悲秋，也不必怨懟夕陽。應該活在當下，珍惜每一天。現代作家朱自清曾反李商隱之意，寫過這樣的警句：「但得夕陽無限好，何須惆悵怨黃昏。」我拾起一枚絳紅色的楓葉，將它嵌入我的相框，襯在我一幀鬢已星星的照片旁，白髮紅葉，相映成趣。啊，這枚紅葉，是上天給我的一份沉甸甸的餽贈！（寄自加州）

十字路口上的小會

十字路口上的小會 小華

因為震旦接手的問題，加州灣區的會員開會時決定一同做九日敬禮，祈求聖神光照。討論重點仍是：什麼是小會的團體工作？ 小會須不須要團體工作？這團體工作和震旦的有無任何切身的關連？感謝建德既時的回應，幫助大家尋找適合時代的小會前程。以下是我在九日敬禮當中的反省和思考。首先，我想跳出框架，把團體事業改成團體志業來省思。有了志業，事業如影隨形，無勞煩憂。
我們的會旨是繼續基督在中華的使命。這第一就牽涉到中華文化。中華文化是極為寬廣的一張網。它涵蓋著兩岸、三地及海外華人的呼吸、言語、風俗、教養、科學、文學、工商、及嬉笑怒罵。在在皆是文化。小會會員，在這文化當中繼續基督在中華的使命。
小會到今天，我們在聖神的光照下，漸漸看出了眉目。首先，我們須要一組人，思考、籌畫小會的方向、陶成。願意在小會內奉獻。謙謙君子，誘掖後學。兄友弟恭，姊妹親和。給會員們溫暖的服務。先行者如王姊、其蘭，後繼者如歷任主席、分會主席、及一批幕後的推手及代禱者。這須要耗盡一個人公餘所剩的精神和體力。此外，我們有先知型的明燈。他們看見時代的訊號，放下一切，擺上身家，從容赴召。先行者有子文姊在沙漠裡的呼喚，後繼者有寶進姊在大陸無悔的投入。而大部分的我們，多半是扶著犁往後看，有些猶豫再加些任性，在沙上滑過了大半生。

如今，我們走到了十字路口，捫心自問，倒底什麼是我的志業？我問天、問自己。以下是我誠實的答案。我不想擺上全部的身家。脾氣修養也很差。我是不是該退出小會？退出教會？好在，我所依恃的天主是那麼的溫柔善良。他說不必。他在世時，曾應許邪魔從附魔人的身上離開，進入兩千隻的豬群裡使它們墜崖而亡。天主要親自驅逐我們的心魔。在我所處身的各色團體裡有各色的心魔。我們或許懶散了點、小氣了些、暴躁了點、有時嫉妒、有時又很沒安全感。天主跟我說，這一切都不重要。重要的是看清它是在世為人的代價。面對它、接受它、甚至愛惜它。不肯這樣對待自己及他人就是天大的傲慢。傲慢如同一扇厚重的鐵門，阻擋了基督的光和聖神的微風。
肯接受這人性的限制，我們這些吊在中間的會員終算找到了出路。天主在初始之時就看清了我們的斤兩。所以他不曾召叫我們拋妻別子。我們好像也沒收到為主戰死沙場的邀請。但是，天主在我們懷抱著寧馨兒授乳的時侯，召叫我們關心世上有一半的人口，每晚饑腸轆轆的睡去。天主在我們引領兒女上路的時候，啟示我們：良好的教養和學位是上天的禮物而非個人晉身錦繡前程的踏腳石。這禮物預備我們為無告者發聲。
在加州灣區，我有幸和芳子每月聚首查經。她衣履鮮潔，儀容修整。常讓我目瞪口呆的看著這位瓷娃娃。卡翠納風災，將美國南方的貧窮黑人陷入萬劫不復的悲慘之境。我們這位纖纖淑女，加入了護士義工團，在糞便橫流，屍臭薰天的災區，一待二十二天。她向天主求體力，天主給了她終生的菩薩心腸。我們這些有夫(或妻) 有子，有家有業的小會會員，如果肯面對、接受、寶愛我們身上人性的枷鎖，那麼，不論置身職場及任何團體，它都能發曖曖之幽光。會有一定程度沈穩的爆發力。行蹤所至，團體將因之和諧安祥喜樂。天主從不曾強人所難。但他溫和的要我準備一個舖著雪白桌巾的廳堂。為八十四歲，十五年來風雨無阻的為八點彌撒聖詠團練唱伴奏的老媽媽餞別。既然是唱經班，當然是秀才人情，在主菜與甜點間，二部混聲，合唱一首 “願主降福你” 做為臨別贈禮。當唱到尾聲 “願天主的光永遠照亮妳的心”時，出自心底的善意，隨著歌聲的翅膀，融融瀉瀉充滿廳堂。平日的怨懟，化為烏有，前嫌盡棄。大家圍著本堂神父和老媽媽享用藍莓甜餅時已盡是善意柔情。
在小會四十年，現已日薄西山。天主的召喚益加殷切。我將日日向他行去。面見之時，我將一身長衣，兩手空空，高興的向他交回我一世的塵勞。他知道，我曾多麼的努力過，不判斷自己，愛他所愛。他在世時應許過我，他也將不判斷我。只有那時，我才能領受我渴想了一生的圓滿無缺。