現代人的恐慌

在這個網際網路（Internet）的時代裡，信息的獲得是很容易的，真是所謂在「指顧之間」。只要手邊有部電腦，稍一搜索，總能找到一些想要的材料。「讀書」這個概念，漸漸有被「上網」取代的趨勢。對許多在電腦時代成長起來的人而言，「讀書」幾乎是落伍而又過時的。學生報告的注腳，不再是書名和頁碼，而是網址。 根據二○○六年七月七日的《光明日報》，每兩年發表一次的「全國國民閱讀與購買傾向抽樣調查」，從一九九八年到二○○三年，中國人的「閱讀率」下降了八‧七個百分點。如果「閱讀」指的是「看傳統裝訂成冊的書、報或雜誌」，那麼，在可見的未來，所謂「閱讀率」，一定還會加速大幅度的下降。 有人憂心忡忡地說，這是「閱讀危機」，中國讀書的人越來越少了。知識越來越貧乏了，思想越來越膚淺了。其實，這絕不只是中國的問題，而是一個世界性的趨勢。在這個大趨勢之中，「讀書」的人，確實與日俱減，但與此同時，我們卻又看到，這批不讀書或少讀書的人，卻又似乎「求知若渴」，唯恐和時代、和外界脫節。 「現代人」只要一天不上網，不查電子郵件，感到的不只是和外界失去聯絡的恐慌，甚至還帶著一份莫名的罪惡感，覺得自己「疏懶成性」。因此，在機場、車站、咖啡館裡都能看到：埋頭上網、看電子郵件的人。這種三小時不看電子郵件就坐立難安的感覺，很像菸癮或酒癮，無論身在何處，必須立刻找個「網吧」解決問題。其急迫的程度，不下於「內急」。 現代人的另一個標誌是耳朵裡塞著個耳機，唯恐漏接了任何一個電話。即使不講電話，還需聽著震耳欲聾的音樂，總之耳根是不能清靜的。「耳根清靜」也是過時落伍的象徵。現代人似乎怕靜，安靜代表的不再是恬適，而是一種難堪的寂寞。 我在公共場合看到這種塞著耳機、打著電腦的人，在敬意之外，也有些同情。其實天下事重要到「不可須臾離」的還真不多。許多人無時無刻不在查看電腦、手機，我相信看到的，十有八九都是「垃圾郵件」，所剩的十之一二，依舊是無足輕重的通知或告示。 這年頭，丟了皮夾，還能掛失、止付，丟了手機，簡直不知何以終日。這些現象都足以說明，現代人是如何地恐懼寂寞、恐懼與其他人失去聯繫。表面上看來，人和人之間，似乎無時無刻地不在聯繫，但實際上，人和人的關係卻又是極端的冷漠。「聯繫」不等於「關懷」，聯繫只是工作上的需要。也正因為如此，雖每日接讀上百的電子郵件，卻又覺得無一可談之人。這種特有的孤獨和寂寞，在「郵電交馳」的網際網路時代，顯得特別地突出。 網際網路帶給人們的另一種錯覺是誤「信息」為「知識」，甚至於誤「信息」為「思想」。信息的獲得是容易的，因為信息往往只告訴我們「是什麼」，在獲得的過程中，並不需要太多的思考。但知識和思想卻是「為什麼」，在獲得的過程中，需要思考、分析和解釋。這正如同記誦不是學問，纂輯也並非著述。兩者之間，看來相似，而實際卻大有出入。指記誦為學問，纂輯為著述，用章學誠在《文史通義》中的說法是：「猶指秫黍以為酒也。」（《文史通義‧內篇二‧博約中》）酒是由秫黍釀成的，但秫黍卻並非酒。正如同知識或思想之中有信息，但信息卻並非知識或思想。今天的一個奇特現象是信息氾濫而思想貧乏。大家在一瞬之間將消息傳遍世界，但大多是在轉述別人的看法，而少有自己的意見。 網路的信息往往讓人淺嘗輒止，在感到似乎已有所知之後，不再作進一步的鑽研。所以知識全來自網上的人，看似無所不知，而實際上卻又一無所知。雖然而今已是二十一世紀，讀書大概也還值得提倡。（寄自新澤西州）(周質平)

當我遠行的時候

我終於懂了，小娃娃可以自己離開我，但不能看我離開她……

台灣的一個單親父親，因為擔任貨車司機，工作忙碌，只能在中午和傍晚經過家門的時候，把食物從樓下用吊繩和滑輪送進屋內，給兩歲的女兒吃。那吊繩是他自己發明的，一頭拴著玩具熊和鈴鐺，只要牽動，就會發出聲音，告訴女兒有東西吃了。據說單親爸爸用這方法餵女兒，已經半年多，直到最近有一天女兒在屋裡大哭不止，引起鄰居注意，報了警，才曝光。記者問，難道有這麼趕嗎？連跑幾步上樓，給女兒送一包東西的時間都沒有？單親爸爸說，因為車子上有助手在等，女兒又黏人，只要一看到爸爸，就抱著大哭，不放爸爸離開。一回家就走不了，所以不敢上樓，寧願以吊籠把食物送進去。只是隔天，當社工找了個寄養的家庭，把小女孩帶走的時候，她非但沒哭，還笑著跟爸爸說拜拜。
別人看這新聞，或許會覺得前後矛盾，甚至說那單親爸爸撒謊。但我不一樣，它讓我想起許多往事，有了深深的同情。女兒小時候，我最頭痛的就是每次出國離家的「那一刻」。小娃娃先掛在我的脖子上，不讓我走。我硬掙脫了，她又會抱著媽媽哭，淚汪汪地盯著我的車子駛離。有時候轉過路角，還好像能聽見她的哭聲。
妙的是，有一次她在學校有表演，沒辦法留在家裡送我出門，反而是我站在門前，看她坐上媽媽的車。那天，她雖然還是抱抱我、親親我，說捨不得爹地，卻沒哭，還笑瞇瞇地跳進車，對我揮揮手，說拜拜。隔年，我又一次離家，心想，小丫頭已經克服了離愁，應該走得輕鬆些，沒想到她站在晚風裡送我，又哭成了個小淚人。
我終於懂了，小娃娃可以自己離開我，但不能看我離開她。因為她走，主動在她，是她有事，不得不對我說抱歉。而我走，主動不在她，是我棄她而去，是我對不起她。

想起二十年前在台灣，一個老朋友的妻子得了絕症，出國求醫，她三歲的女兒在機場聲嘶力竭地哭喊。好像媽媽會一去不返，她的哭聲，使四周忍著淚的親友，都一下子潰了堤。但是隔不久，那媽媽回來了，又不久，住進加護病房。「走」的那一天，小丫頭看著媽媽斷氣，當外婆把她帶離病房的時候，她居然沒哭，還回頭搖搖小手說拜拜，只當媽媽是睡著了。
年輕時翻譯過一本美國心理學家瑞蒙模第的《死後的世界》（Life after Life）。作者分析那些曾被醫生宣布為死亡，卻又復生的人，所有的「死後的經歷」。幾乎每個人都說死並不可怕，只覺得一下子靈魂離開了軀體，病痛全消失了，變得好輕鬆。多半的人感覺先飛速地穿過一個長長的隧道，看見隧道另外一邊的神光，接著面對神光，接受神光的指引。也有人一下子就發現置身一片美麗的草原，好多已死的親友走過來迎接……一位受訪者說，當神光說他人世間的情緣未了，叫他「回來」的時候，他甚至有點憤怒，不願意回到自己的軀殼。
年過半百，我常想起這些情節，和那一次女兒比我先離開家的畫面。猜想當有一天，我死了，一下子穿過隧道，面對神光、面對一堆死去的親友，呈現在我眼前的是一個目不暇給的「另一個世界」。那時候，我雖然死了，但可能已經沒有時間悲傷，反而有些「發現者」的興奮和「新來者」的喜悅。可是如果我回頭看，我世間的妻、我的子女，尤其我的女兒，會不會像我離家出國時，在晚風中抱著我的脖子不放，正對著我哭喊：「爸爸不要走！」可不是嗎？走的那一天，是我要走，是我要離開她。我面對的是另外一個世界，她面對的卻是我的背影。
我走了，她沒走，還在人世間。如果我死後無知，當她傷痛欲絕的時候，我已沒有感覺；如果我死後有知，則可以隨時回去，看到她。但是她，只見我消逝了，再也抓不住。她沒走，眼前見到的、摸到的，都有我的影子，她要留我，但我負了她，棄她而去……比較起來，她的傷慟遠比我深。總想起十年前的那一幕，她學校有音樂會，先離開家，高高興興地去演奏。那天晚上，我走得多麼輕鬆！
真正「大去」的那一天，我希望她也有約，於是我躺在床上，看她離開，就像新聞中，那單親爸爸的女兒去寄養家庭，她對我揮揮手，道聲拜拜。我看著她美麗的背影、飄逸的長髮，一跳一跳地出門，該是多麼完美的道別。（寄自紐約）(劉鏞)

Friendship

A man was exploring caves by the seashore. In one of the caves he found a canvas bag with a bunch of hardened clay balls. It was like someone had rolled clay balls and left them out in the sun to bake.They didn't look like much, but they intrigued the man, so he took the bag out of the cave with him. As he strolled along the beach, he would throw the clay balls one at a time out into the ocean as far as he could.He thought little about it, until he dropped one of the clay balls and it cracked open on a rock. Inside was a beautiful, precious stone!Excited, the man started breaking open the remaining! clay balls. Each contained a similar treasure. He found thousands of dollars worth of jewels in the 20 or so clay balls he had left. Then it struck him.He had been on the beach a long time. He had thrown maybe 50 or 60 of the clay balls with their hidden treasure into the ocean waves. Instead of thousands of dollars in treasure, he could have taken home tens of thousands, but he had just thrown it away!It's like that with people. We look at someone, maybe even ourselves, and we see the external clay vessel. It doesn't look like much from the outside. It isn't always beautiful or sparkling, so we discount it.We see that person as less important than someone more beautiful or stylish or well known or wealthy but we have not taken the time to find the treasure hidden inside that person.There is a treasure in each and every one of us. If we take the time to get to know that person, and if we ask God to show us that person the way He sees them, then the clay begins to peel away and the brilliant gem begins to shine forth.May we not come to the end of our lives and find out that we have thrown away a fortune in friendships because the gems were hidden in bits of clay. May we see the people in our world as God sees them.I am so blessed by the gems of friendship I have with each of you. Thank you for looking beyond my clay vessel.

Billy Graham

Billy Graham is now 86 years old with Parkinson's disease. In January 2000, leaders in Charlotte , North Carolina, invited their favorite son, Billy Graham, to a luncheon in his honor. Billy initially hesitated to accept the invitation because he struggleswith Parkinson's disease. But the Charlotte leaders said, "We don't expecta major address. Just come and let us honor you." So he agreed.After wonderful things were said about him, Dr. Graham stepped to therostrum, looked at the crowd, and said, "I'm reminded today of AlbertEinstein, the great physicist who this month has been honored by Time magazine as the Man of the Century. Einstein was once traveling fromPrinceton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching thetickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached inhis vest pocket. He couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his trouserpockets. It wasn't there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn't findit. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn't find it. The conductor said, "Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry about it." Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punchingtickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and sawthe great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat forhis ticket. The conductor rushed back and said, "Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don'tworry, I know who you are. No problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one."Einstein looked at him and said, "Young man, I too, know who I am. What Idon't know is where I'm going. '"Having said that Billy Graham continued, "See the suit I'm wearing? It's abrand new suit. My wife, my children, and my grandchildren are telling meI've gotten a little slovenly in my old age. I used to be a bit more fastidious. So I went out and bought a new suit for this luncheon and one more occasion.You know what that occasion is? This is the suit in which I'll be buried. But when you hear I'm dead, I don't want you to immediately remember the suit I'm wearing. I want you to remember this: I not only know who I am .I also know where I'm going.
"May your troubles be less, your blessings more, and may nothing but happiness, come through your door.