My daily life

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

一個18歲男孩的喪禮

春末夏初的一個清晨,丈夫、我和剛從大學回家度假的女兒,出門去參加先生的遠房表弟邁克的喪禮。我曾在正式的家族聚會時見過邁克,他穿著筆挺的西裝外套,進退有度地跟在長輩身後。然而那分規矩,明顯是迫於情勢而非出之本性,因為他總像不服氣似的,在外套下穿著狂野圖案的圓領衫、配上褲腿有破洞的泛白牛仔褲及運動鞋。 棺中白緞環繞著的邁克,仍是一襲運動衫、破牛仔褲與舊球鞋,然而穗狀直立的飛揚頭髮已被整治得服服貼貼,兩手平穩地交叉置於胸前,不再插在褲子口袋、也不再浮躁地東摸西碰。我仔細端詳他年輕而恬適的臉,那冒出些許絨毛尚不需刮鬍的下巴,那也許曾有粉刺但未褪盡嬰兒肥的雙頰,那眉目清秀來不及出現皺紋的臉孔,那即將綻放的青春,都在脂粉妝蓋下一如石膏像般光潤無瑕。 棺內的小小空間裡,塞滿了手機、隨身聽、任天堂、棒球手套等各種物件。立於我們身旁的大男孩撫著棺木泫然欲泣,他將一副乒乓球拍放在邁克身側,低聲說:「到那邊別忘了繼續找人練球,下次見面可不要再讓我打贏你喲!」 禮堂裡掛了一幅邁克的放大照,室內散置幾張小桌,上面陳列無數相框,靠門處豎起一座貼滿照片的畫架。邁克短短的一生,被凝聚在一張張照片裡;瀏覽著那些相片,我不由得憐惜起這個與我只有數面之緣的慘綠少年。 年僅18歲的邁克才是個剛受完基本教育的孩子呀!他未及吐艷的生命裡,該有多少遺憾與不甘?還差幾天就能從校長手裡接過高中畢業證書,還未嘗到大學新鮮人的滋味,還沒經驗人世間的愛恨悲喜、生活的酸甜苦辣,甚至還來不及跟父母親友說:「我先走了,請別太難過,請多多保重。」 生命是一項隨時可能中止的契約,在綿綿的時間長河裡,悲歡離合是如此地變化莫測,人世因緣稍縱即逝,我即使暫為旁觀者,也能感受其驚心動魄的愴惻。 出了教堂,女兒垂首慢慢走在我跟丈夫之間,我挽起她的手。有多久沒有像小時候那樣牽她的手呢?不盈一握的溫潤柔荑,何時變得這般細緻纖長?曾在掌心如飛鳥譁動的小手,又從何時開始變成馴鹿似的和順靜謐?女兒望了我一眼,彷彿了解我的心意,也緊緊回握我的手。 我迎著微微偏西的陽光,衷心感謝上蒼賜予的福氣,讓我能擁有個蕙質蘭心的女兒。出自一個母親的貪心,我也向眷寵我的神明祈禱:我不要求女兒獲得傲人的傑出成績、或是勉強去做力有未逮的事,也不期望女兒將來功成名就或嫁入豪門。但是萬能的神呀!請讓我的女兒永遠健康快樂,請讓她在我有生之年,都能這樣平安地走在我們身邊。

Thursday, November 18, 2010

a More Satisfying Life

Eight Steps Toward a More Satisfying Life
Want to lift your level of happiness? Here are some practical suggestions from University of California psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, based on research findings by her and others. Satisfaction (at least a temporary boost) guaranteed
1.Count your blessings. One way to do this is with a "gratitude journal" in which you write down three to five things for which you are currently thankful--from the mundane (your peonies are in bloom) to the magnificent (a child's first steps). Do this once a week, say, on Sunday night. Keep it fresh by varying your entries as much as possible.
2.Practice acts of kindness. These should be both random (let that harried mom go ahead of you in the checkout line) and systematic (bring Sunday supper to an elderly neighbor). Being kind to others, whether friends or strangers, triggers a cascade of positive effects--it makes you feel generous and capable, gives you a greater sense of connection with others and wins you smiles, approval and reciprocated kindness--all happiness boosters.
3.Savor life's joys. Pay close attention to momentary pleasures and wonders. Focus on the sweetness of a ripe strawberry or the warmth of the sun when you step out from the shade. Some psychologists suggest taking "mental photographs" of pleasurable moments to review in less happy times.
4. Thank a mentor. If there's someone whom you owe a debt of gratitude for guiding you at one of life's crossroads, don't wait to express your appreciation--in detail and, if possible, in person.
5.Learn to forgive. Let go of anger and resentment by writing a letter of forgiveness to a person who has hurt or wronged you. Inability to forgive is associated with persistent rumination or dwelling on revenge, while forgiving allows you to move on.
6. Invest time and energy in friends and family. Where you live, how much money you make, your job title and even your health have surprisingly small effects on your satisfaction with life. The biggest factor appears to be strong personal relationships.
7. Take care of your body. Getting plenty of sleep, exercising, stretching, smiling and laughing can all enhance your mood in the short term. Practiced regularly, they can help make your daily life more satisfying.
8. Develop strategies for coping with stress and hardships. There is no avoiding hard times. Religious faith has been shown to help people cope, but so do the secular beliefs enshrined in axioms like "This too shall pass" and "That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger." The trick is that you have to believe them.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

語文教育是重中之重 - 王正方

多年前的教育改革目標之一:快樂學習。因為當時台灣的學子備受升學壓力,夜以繼日上補習班,苦不堪言。教改後的學子們,是否快樂?如人飲水,得由當事人答覆才是。從旁觀察,台灣的補習業依然興旺,小康以上的家庭,孩子們多在補習。天天跑補習班,周末還有才藝班,小小年紀比大人還忙,不好玩。窮孩子補習不起,往往學習落後,放牛班被教育體制放棄,何來快樂?「快樂學習」可能已和「反攻大陸」一起淪為口號。
推動教育改革的專家們,很多是台灣留美菁英,搬回他山之石,解救小朋友的苦難,用心良苦。美國學生學習快樂嗎?早年在美國居住,忙著混飯,未曾認真瞭解美國教育,不敢妄自評斷。
去美國陪小孫女讀書做功課,對人家的基礎教育才略有所知。小學教學重點是基本技能(Basic skills);語文與算數,更以語文為重。語文課沒有教科書,老師為學生個別設計詞彙學習表,每周選出常犯錯的字,不斷練習。上課時兩人一組,互相考核,老師教文法、範文選讀等等。同學自己選課餘讀本,每天至少讀廿分鐘,寫讀後感。分兩部分;內容摘要、感想。感想有三個方向;個人感受、與本書或其他書籍某章節的聯繫、它與時事的關係,規定得很明確。年幼的孩子也能在個人感受上有所發揮。孫女讀到書中的主人要遠離家人,不勝依依。她寫道:我真的感受到那種悲傷,因為爺爺奶奶不久就要回台灣去了,我希望他們永遠住在這兒。於是有個糟老頭兒,讀後淚眼模糊起來。
台灣的刊物上常見到小朋友寫的「作文高手」、「模範創作」等文字,辭藻華麗到眼花撩亂,小孩學說大人話,作者始終沒出現。老師給高分,篇末還有講評,分析優點。鼓勵孩子從小就偽飾其文,很悲哀。發自內心的話,才是好作品。每周讀書報告十分重要,有任何拼字、文法的錯誤就扣一分,總計十分,略微疏忽會被扣個精光。文字表達的基本功,從這兒練起。讀完一本書之後,要在課堂上做報告。開場白得有趣而具吸引力、簡要介紹內容和主要人物、朗誦精彩片斷、選讀本書的來由、結尾要有震撼力。台風、口條佔評分的百分之五十。太有趣了,技癢難熬,爺爺充任導演下場教兩招。忘了古人明訓:「易子而教」(孫子輩亦然),小公主不受教。次周成績揭曉,人家得了一百分。導演沒路用,勝在基因遺傳。美國學生沒有升學壓力,不上補習班,玩耍的時間多。一般而論,只要認真受過正式學校教育,平均語文表達能力強過亞洲學生。孫女的語文老師,可能是個特例,美國語文不及格的青少年還是不少。基礎教育必須以本國語文為最根本最重要的教學重點,先學好中文再論其他。趕時髦,啟蒙階段教英語,台灣一無英語環境,更缺乏合格師資,徒增孩子們的負擔和煩惱。出發點或是想讓孩子們具備雙語能力,結果他們學會了兩種語文:洋涇濱、火星文。