Amusing quotations

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."-- Eleanor Roosevelt
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.-- Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.-- Alex Levine
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.-- Rodney Dangerfield Money can't buy you happiness .. but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.-- Spike Milligan
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.-- Joe Namath
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.-- Bob Hope
Don 't worry about avoiding temptation . as you grow older, it will avoid you.-- Winston Churchill
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.-- Billy Crystal *